| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2009|01:20 pm] |
i'm so tired.
graduation is soon. and so so stressful. |
|
|
| on mother fuckers |
[Aug. 15th, 2008|12:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nein | ] |
seriously.
i don't know how to confront about twenty people that all seem to have the same problem with me without being a total bitch.
people just need to mind their own god damn business. if they want to judge me and be total assholes. fine, whatever, but don't act like my friends. i cannot stand it.
in other news.. my parents and i are getting along? well, more so than usual. it's nice. and regan and my mom are on speaking terms again, also nice.
school is already stressing me out because of the fucking correspondence shit that just won't work out, and of course the support people and ms. phillips are nowhere to be found so there's nothing i can do about it. i'm just a little worried. i've also decided to quit smoking . really quit, not pretend to for my parents sakes, (they told me i could have the car back if i did). it will be difficult, but whatever. i need to get another job before school starts.
oh how i'm going to miss evan. he's such a great kid. really, what's better than a job where you get to drink coffee constantly, dance around as much as you please, play with playdoh, and take a nap ever day, among other things, all with the cutest two year old in the world. it doesn't get much better, as far as summer jobs go.
i miss calen like crazy! even if she's only been gone for like..four days. seriously, we're together all the time...i don't know what to do with myself. she's always the first person i want to call when i feel like getting out of my house. she gets me more than most people. i love that girl. : )
i'm also fairly tipsy. man. thigs are alright though. i'm getting over things, or trying to. and though those people are kind of getting to me, but fuck them, seriously it's so much more anger than it is hurt. i want them out of my life if my friendship is really worth so little.
damnnn half an hour till my sheets are dry. i'm sleepy. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2008|02:59 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | district sleeps alone tonight | ] |
but of course, i cannot go.
fuck this. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2008|06:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
on terrible deeds and my reasons, or lack there of, behind them.
i don't feel bad about anything. out of anger, i have lost all of my guilt. i wonder if it's permanent. i'm not a sociopath, yet i do things now i never could have before, i hurt people intentionally. people that don't deserve it.
i don't have anything against them individually, they just blend together. they are everyone i do and don't care about.
i'm just so angry. why do i have to be the only one? i can deal with anything. it doesn't hurt me anymore, i don't get stressed out anymore. but i don't get anything else either. i don't feel like the same person. i'm just so mad, i don't see why i should be the only person that has reason to be so damn bitter. it should be spread around a little, it's only fair.
i hate myself right now because i'm the kind of person i would have hated before i became me now. i miss myself. i miss the people that made me myself, the person. i didn't depend on people emotionally my entire life. and the one time i do.
everyhing i want is too simple, i don't think i even really want shit. and i don't need anything i can have. it's bullshit. i'm just tired. and angry. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2008|09:18 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | emmy the great-canopies and grapes | ] |
you are just so RUDE.
i hate it. you go against all logic. i should really stop now. or maybe you should. or maybe we both should.
it's just not that fucking easy. god.. this sucks. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2008|06:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
i've basically got you all figured out now.
you're selfish and hurtful.
i don't care? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2007|06:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
seriously?
what the fuck?
since when am i the kind of person people can walk all over without thinking twice about it? i swear it wasn't always this way...or maybe it was, but i was too ignorant to realize it? either way, i preferred that.
fuck people. fuck those fucking people. i've never been anything but nice to any of them. i've known them for so long. they act like we're best fucking friends when they have no one else, and the second they do they don't give a fuck about me.
everyone, fucking everyone, (with very few exceptions) has done this to me lately. what the fuck is it about me, that i'm just not good enough to be friends with? you know, even the people i thought were my real friends, my best fucking friend in the world for the past six years, all of the sudden i'm just not good enough, not exciting enough, not fucking happy enough. seriously, has anyone even stopped to think they could be part of the reason i'm not fucking happy enough?
quite frankly, i doubt they've ever thought about me at all. as a person i mean. i'm usually kelsey's sister, or sally's friend, or that girl i've confided in and told my secrets to more than once when i didn't have anyone else. never am i an actual person. i'm the girl people call when they want to run away, or kill themselves, or rant about the pathetic high school drama in their lives and i'm the only one that will listen. it's called being a good fucking person, and i get fucked up and fucked over every time.
i've never been the type to stand for people using me. but all of the sudden...i've realized just how many people do it. and what the fuck am i supposed to do about that? go live in a fucking hole where no one can contact me when their cooler friends lose interest, just like they did in me? and you know what? doing that leaves me...well in a fucking hole. in the dark and alone. how is that fair? how is that fucking fair? |
|
|
| yeah |
[Oct. 9th, 2007|09:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | living room | ] |
| [ | music |
| | o valencia- the decemberists | ] |
i really
really love
the decemberists.
and i bored. with my life. it's pretty fucking boring.
i'm thinking...i'm going to have to change that.
boring lives are no fun at all. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|01:35 pm] |
HARRY POTTER!
HARRY POTTER!
HARRY POTTER!
tie up your scarves and roam. fo sho. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2007|09:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | homeee | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | emmy the great | ] |
Rally!
in like six hours. im excited. : ))) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|04:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | houseeee | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | la belle et la bette- babyshambles | ] |
It's my cat's birthdayyyy!!!! He is eight, in human years.
Today I have kayaked, and cleaned...and that's it. It's actually been pretty nice. Very boring, but still nice. And I have played with King Luie too of course. I also burnt my thumb, and I haven't a clue how. Oh well, point is, my thumb is burnt, and in pain. : /
My parents are out of their fucking minds these days. It's weird, they are usually out of their fucking minds, but pretty much since i left school they have become ridiculously controlling. As if they actually have a right to act like parents now. It's really getting on my nerves. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2007|11:31 am] |
hmm
yay summertime!!!
i'm excited.
i miss stephan coyote. what a cool guy. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2007|05:29 pm] |
fucking fuck. I'm really sick. Like....really really really sick.
I woke up at five. in the afternoon. i can't talk or swallow or yawn. ugh. this is no fun a all. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2007|05:05 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | take a guess, haha. | ] |
this day. this fucking day.
so. fucking. amazing.
i have been crying for like two hours. and dancing, and singing, and laughing, and drinking, and listening....oh listening.
all of my libs cd's and pictures are scattered everywhere. because this day is fucking history. or will be, at least.
amazing, so amazing. no one gets it. here anyways. but the forum is all happiness.
and just.....fucking shit, this is incredible. yeah, i knew it would happen, but IT DID. and much sooner than i expected.
im so happy right now. so. fucking. happy. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2007|12:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hahah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | yetiiii up & down | ] |
wine, wine my favorite friend,
it's you whose here when all else ends.
i cannot accompany sal to the bay.
so drunk i am, and drunk i'll stay.
hahahahah. i looove this poem.
hahahaaaaahahaahaahahahahahaahhaahaaahahahahaaahaaaahaa. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2007|07:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | stoned-the rolling stones | ] |
hmmm i've had such a nice night.
except that i'm bleeding out of my vagina. and that's never any fun.
bleeeeeeeeeeeeeh im bored. i wish calen was home. but nooooooooo mexico is just sooo importante. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2007|11:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | joseph arthur! | ] |
Huh.
I don't even know what to say. To all of this, I mean. Just. Wow. hahaa. I don't even know what the fuck is going on anymore.
This is fun. Except not really. At all. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 11th, 2007|10:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  prd | ] |
| [ | music |
| | emmy | ] |
I fucking love rally.
I wasn't even freaked out this time...well, not at all like last time. So it was just fucking awesome. only now im incredibly tired. i have so much school shit to catch up on. like...insane amounts.
damn it. oh well, i'l just have to do it then. I sure wish I lived in Europe. That would be amazing.
At rally there was this guy in my family group, who's about to turn forty. Recently he lost everyone in his life that he loved besides his two sons, one of whom is joining the army. The guy's going on forty, and he talked about how recently he realized, what with everyone around him dying or leaving him, that he wasn't living. That he was almost forty, depressed, unhealthy, and completely alone. So he decided to start over completely.
That man is incredible. Because he just seemed so.....sad and broken, but he still talked about what was to come as if life was just being so good to him.
What an amazing guy. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2007|11:59 am] |
| [ | music |
| | the fratellis- chelsea dagger...hah | ] |
I'm really bored.
My mother's such a bitch.
Rally = next weekend
hmhmhmhmhhmhmhhhmhmhmhmmhmhmh. I dont really want to go, but I know i'll be glad when im there. Basicly, I just really don't want to see most of those people, they freak me out sometimes. I miss kelsey. And Cloudia.
What a random post. The fratellis were in my dream, it was really weird. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2006|04:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | arcade fire-tunnels | ] |
suprise suprise.....Cullens home!
and my dad....is fifty......god damn. well, he will be in two weeks time... |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
bennyndjoon's journal